I have definitely had my fair share of romance and heartbreak in my 27 years of rollercoaster-like existence so far. If given the chance, would I ever go back and change anything? Hmmmmm..nah. It’s made me who I am today and I’m kinda liking who I’m becoming to be honest.
Now I know I’m not alone here when it comes to going through the ups and downs of falling in love, falling out of love and everything else in between, so I thought I’d sit with you and share what I’ve learnt in the best and worst relationship I’ve had thus far.
Oh where to even begin with this one. As with most relationships in its early phase, this one for me, began as a fresh, new and exciting clean slate. It was all blue skies and rainbows filled with running-across-infinite-green-pastures-in-slow-mo moments. It really couldn’t be more perfect. Then after some time, things got comfortable – too comfortable. The comfort slowly but surely turned into blandness and that’s when the doubts started creeping in. This relationship started to make me feel small and unimportant, like I was just one of many options. Given my state of mind back then, I let myself believe these words and became so consumed with fear and insecurities that I inevitably lost my sense of true self. I became so dependent on this relationship that feeling low became a norm for me and it was this type of reality that I accepted for myself. This went on for some time and it was one of the worst times I’ve ever had to go through.
This new relationship eventually followed and my goodness, it really did turn my life around. It was (and continues to be) the light at the end of ‘that’ tunnel. Funnily enough, this relationship didn’t really start as wonderfully as the previous one. In the beginning there were no rainbows, nor were there any blue skies. It was a very lacklustre season for me, so I wasn’t that enthusiastic to see where this one was going. Even the timing wasn’t great, I mean come on I just about crawled my way out of that somewhat stormy relationship and now I’m expected to go through it all again?! But for some reason, there was a feeling of ‘stillness’ in this relationship, like it just suddenly clicked into place. It didn’t make any sense at the time but it felt stable, it felt like home. Something about it felt so safe and familiar although many times, I would stumble and fall on how to best approach it all. I was so used to the ‘bad stuff’ that I had forgotten what it was like to actually feel happy and content. Little by little, I started to remember what it feels like to actually be excited about life again. I’m believing in myself a lot more and I’m now remembering that I’m actually worthy. I got so good at filtering the noise around me and pretty much surrounded myself with nothing but positivity. I’m still in this relationship now as we speak and even though it’s far from being perfect, it’s still the best I’ve ever had to date.
Now I’m not really the type to expose people like this but in this instance, I’m going to tell you who I had these two relationships with. I can reveal this with confidence as both of these relationships (the bad and the best) actually happened with the same person – and that person is ME. Yup, although I have so many stories that I look forward to sharing with you (in future blog posts of course) with regards to my actual dating life, I felt compelled to kick it all of with one of the most important relationships one will ever have in their lifetime and that is the relationship with yourself. The way I see it is that all emotional exertion we’ll ever express for others will always stem from how we love and value ourselves. It all starts from within and only then will we be able to fully realise and act on our capacity to really love others the best way we can.
I think many of us can agree on the fact that we can easily find ways to be hard on ourselves and beat ourselves up when we think that we could have been better at something, such as: a task, a situation, a goal, a relationship (the list can go on and on). This can easily spiral into losing love for yourself and trust me, I’ve been there and it’s not a great place to be. The truth is, you are here. Life will never be easy but if you prioritise the love you have for yourself first, everything else around you will fall into its rightful place. Personally, I’ve so far learnt that when you love yourself a little better, you also become stronger and happier. Life is hella messy, crazy yet so incredibly beautiful and luckily, I’m seeing the light and I’m really beginning to love me for me. So, just in case you need reminding (I sometimes forget from time to time too), your love story with yourself matters so much, I hope you’ll always remember that.